Meet Mr. Write

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice - the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." - Romans 12:1-2 (NLT)

Pretty picture up there, huh? Don't I look festive?

There's a story behind this picture that I feel I need to share with you in an effort to introduce myself to you. Please understand, I share this not to toot my horn or engage in a self-aggrandizing, narcissistic exercise. I share this because I know there are millions of people who are struggling every single day just to survive life.

Here is what else I know: A growing percentage of those millions are professing Christians who regularly attend church. Mind you, this isn't true for everyone attending church. But, I know there is a high percentage of emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually struggling church members regularly occupying a spot in a Christian sanctuary trying their best not to lose their sanity.

I know this is true for two reasons:

One: I've met A LOT of them over my lifetime.

Two: I was one for nearly three decades.

The picture above represents the culmination of decades of living (surviving?) with crippling depression. What you need to know is it was taken at a very pivotal time in my life. But, before I get into the details of this image, I need to set the stage a bit. So, you know what that means, right?...

IT'S TIME TO TESTIFY!!!

*raises hands - waves hanky*

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A long time ago in a lifetime far, far away, I was a full-time evangelical, denominational, Christian pastor.

When I entered the full-time ministry arena in 1991, I was a wide-eyed, idealistic, ambitious 21-year-old armed with all of the energy and drive that comes with youth. Fueled by an unshakable faith in God's promise to never 'leave or forsake me', I jumped into pastoring eager to change the world for Christ and His Kingdom.

When I resigned my final pastoral position eighteen years later, I was a broken, angry, bitter man. Nearly two decades of petty fights, political battles, and outright wars with people who were supposed to be on the same team I was on had extracted a massive toll. When I exited the church building for the final time, I did so vowing to the sun, moon, and stars to never darken the door of another building with the word "church" attached to it for the rest of my life.

I'm sure you can guess how things went for me after that.

The good news is, God was as good as his word. He pursued me by letting me go, 'prodigal son' style.

The bad news is, my journey to 'the hog pen' cost me dearly. There are positive or negative consequences to our choices depending on which direction we choose to go.  I paid the full price for my rebellious and  'prodigal' attitude and actions, including the end of my 25-year marriage and a relationship with my children.

The picture gracing the top of this post was taken on New Year's Eve 2015. I was freshly divorced and indescribably miserable. You can't tell from this picture, but there was a party going on all around me. However, I was alone in a crowded room; lost in a world of emotional, psychological, and spiritual misery that I firmly believed was a permanent prison from which I would never escape.

As I said at the beginning of this post, I know I am hardly the only person to feel this way. If the statistics are accurate, there is a very high percentage of church-attendees who sing songs, pray prayers, and listen to sermons while in a perpetual state of misery. Like I said, I was one of those people except for one difference. I wasn't occupying a church pew in misery, I was standing behind a pulpit in misery.

I resigned from my pastoral position on January 11, 2009. It is now January 2019, as of this writing. Ten years have passed since I made that fateful decision and began what would become a decade of transformation that has taken me from the depths of despair and depression to a place of peace, love, and joy I did not know was possible.

I use the word "transformation" on purpose because that is precisely what practical Christianity is all about. God is not interested in simply filling our heads with Biblical knowledge or theological doctrines. While there is nothing inherently wrong about either of those things, you have to know God's ultimate agenda is to transform us into the "image of His Son".

I'd love to say this transformation was an instantaneous one or a product of a one-and-done decision made at a church altar or with a few minutes of fervent prayer. The real truth is, allowing God to transform us requires a prolonged level of commitment that, frankly, very few people are willing to invest in.

I'm not going to lie. Putting an end to a lifetime's worth of bad habits is hard.

Changing the way we think and process life is hard.

Pushing through the temptations to take the easy road is hard.

It's hard to face your demons. Even harder to beat them.

After all, why choose the hard road when it is much easier to self medicate and escape to Fantasy Island™ where everyone lives happily ever after? I mean, isn't that what we all want, to live happily ever after?

Isn't literally everything we do fueled by this ever elusive pursuit of happiness? Doesn't every fairy tale end with the prince and princess running off to their castle in the sky to... say it with me, now... live happily ever after?

Would you agree every life-changing decision we make is predicated on the goal of "this person/place/thing is what is going to make me happy"?

Don't our friends and family members give their seal of approval on our life decisions with the cliched caveat: "As long as you are happy"? It is almost like everyone on earth believes our individual happiness is the ultimate purpose for life.

So, if our happiness is the goal, how does God fit into that purpose? What I mean is, if God is "good", "love", "gracious", and "kind" (like the Bible says He is), shouldn't His every waking thought be focused on providing me with everything I need to live in happiness?

In other words, if our all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful creator loves us as much as the Bible claims he does, shouldn't our lives be a dazzling display of His happiness-creating capabilities?

Take another look at the picture at the top of this post. The man in that picture is not happy. In fact, that man is one of the most miserable human beings you will ever meet. That is the picture of a former Christian pastor sitting at a bar during a New Year's Eve celebration in absolute misery.

So, what happened? Why didn't God do something to end this guy's suffering and bring him everything his unhappy heart could wish for in order to make him happy?

All of this brings me to the question I asked in my last post. You know, the "Why did God put that tree on the Earth with the "don't eat from it" rule if he knew Adam and Eve would eat from it?"

Yeah, that's a mouthful of a question. Maybe a better question is the one we're going to be exploring in the next blog:

Can God make a mistake?